Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
