So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
