they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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