Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
