Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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