): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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