So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
