On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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