Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
