considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if only i could text you this smell
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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