Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
