the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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