I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
