Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
