I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
