i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
