well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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