I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
