last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
