hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
