i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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