my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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