Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
