I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
