where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how can u be prego again
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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