if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
