Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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