Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
