I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
