Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
