Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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