It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
