You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
