come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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