note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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