The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
