i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
