Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
