Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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