I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
