I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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