If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
