for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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