And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
