Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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