I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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