AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
