Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
