You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
