when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
